Jobs I don't want to do

• Working as a personal assistant for the elderly and/or handicapped.
• Bartending, barista, waitstaff, or anything else that'll make them say, "this guy applies, he has a Master's and no (bartending, barista, waitstaff) experience!
• Fundraising, development or anything meaning asking people to give money to a non-profit.
• Sales or anything meaning asking people to buy something from a for-profit.
• Street recruiting, canvassing, or anything knocking door-to-door asking people for money.
• Cleaning.

Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life, and then some.

Blog Resurrection #4 or so.

Hello Blog.
Hello World.

I graduated from grad school. My parents town. Now what do I to?
Look for a job, and looking for a job these days is code for "blogging".
Maybe I can resurrect this blog. Aaahhh... a blog post about blogging! How profound!

SERiOUSly, I did realize/decide/envisionate that the obvious step to getting a job is blogging. And the obvious blog to start is a blog about different jobs. Here's what I got so far, I hope to expand and explore them all in due time:

• Starting a religion
• Start a goat herding/rental busienss
• Sell home raised eggs
• Sell plant starts
• Sell composting worms
• Start a non-profit
• Non-profit: bike repair
• Non-profit: local compost
• Non-profit: education/training
• Non-profit: enviro consulting
• Start a bog.
• Start a blog about starting a blog.
• Blog: pulp fiction and entertainment.
• Blog: TV freedom.
• Start a rock band.
• Become a famous writer.
• Become a model scout.
• Enter the adult entertainment business.
• Blatantly pimp my ass for flat-out cash.

Ok, that should last a couple of days. Will keep you posted.

I can't admit which movie I'm reviewing in this blog, you'll have to guess

A non-stop commercial disguised as a "movie" has little evidence of the
latter (plot, dialogue, character development, humor, reason, point)
and ample evidence of the former (I stopped counting at 37 different
corporate brands, but I think 150 is a good guess, plus a full-blown
Applebee's commercial in the middle). Critique the movie, highlighting
the plot holes, or writing another word (even to commend Sascha Baron
Cohen as the movie's only redeeming quality) is a waste of time. Quite
possibly the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. (Ps, curse IMDb!
They want my comment to take more than 10 lines. No, I tell you! This
movie is not worth ten lines! Please don't see it! It's horrible! If
you think this is funny, you are 13 years old. If you're not 13 years
old, you may have serious emotional and intellectual development issues
and I suggest seeing a doctor. There, is that ten?)

More thoughts on the meaning of life

Good morning diary, what are you doing? I’m not doing much. Nope, not doing much at all. Hardly anything, actually, but this florescent light in front of my is starting to get annoying. It’s a quiet day. A very quiet day. So quiet, in fact, the flies have nodded off due to boredom. The sun is starting to droop sadly because no one is noticing it. The stream has come to a standstill pouting in a protest. The dog no long barks nor wags her tail for attention.

Ok, not really, I was just fooling with you.

How are you?

Resurrection

After a long hiatus as both a blogger and a poet, I'm resurrecting this blog, now with a new, better, though still confusing name.
Yeah!
To paraphrase Stephen Jesse Bernstein,
"More Blogs Please!"

I wish I only wrote six-word stories

Dozens of our favorite auteurs put their words to paper, and five master graphic designers took them to the drawing board. Sure, Arthur C. Clarke refused to trim his ("God said, 'Cancel Program GENESIS.' The universe ceased to exist."), but the rest are concise masterpieces.

Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket.
- William Shatner

Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
- Eileen Gunn

Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love.
- David Brin

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
- Joss Whedon

Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
- Stan Lee

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
- Alan Moore

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood

His penis snapped off; he's pregnant!
- Rudy Rucker

From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
- Gregory Maguire

Internet "wakes up?" Ridicu -
no carrier.
- Charles Stross

With bloody hands, I say good-bye.
- Frank Miller

Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
- Steven Meretzky

"Cellar?" "Gate to, uh … hell, actually."
- Ronald D. Moore

Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
- Vernor Vinge

It cost too much, staying human.
- Bruce Sterling

We kissed. She melted. Mop please!
- James Patrick Kelly

It's behind you! Hurry before it
- Rockne S. O'Bannon

I'm your future, child. Don't cry.
- Stephen Baxter

1940: Young Hitler! Such a cantor!
- Michael Moorcock

Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
- Richard Powers

I'm dead. I've missed you. Kiss … ?
- Neil Gaiman

The baby's blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

Kirby had never eaten toes before.
- Kevin Smith

Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
- Howard Waldrop

To save humankind he died again.
- Ben Bova

We went solar; sun went nova.
- Ken MacLeod

Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: "You cow!"
- Paul Di Filippo

"I couldn't believe she'd shoot me."
- Howard Chaykin

Don't marry her. Buy a house.
- Stephen R. Donaldson

Broken heart, 45, WLTM disabled man.
- Mark Millar

TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
- Harry Harrison

Tick tock tick tock tick tick.
- Neal Stephenson

Easy. Just touch the match to
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Special Web-only edition: We were unable to include these 59 stories in the print magazine.

New genes demand expression -- third eye.
- Greg Bear

K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18 - Closed Casket
- Richard K. Morgan

WORLD'S END. Sic transit gloria Monday.
- Gregory Benford

Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it.
- Brian Herbert

Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties.
- Cory Doctorow

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

Bush told the truth. Hell froze.
- William Gibson

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

Nevertheless, he tried a third time.
- James P. Blaylock

God to Earth: "Cry more, noobs!"
- Marc Laidlaw

Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
- Marc Laidlaw

Thought I was right. I wasn't.
- Graeme Gibson

Lost, then found. Too bad.
- Graeme Gibson

Three to Iraq. One came back.
- Graeme Gibson

Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one?
- David Brin

Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back.
- David Brin

Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
- David Brin

Temporal recursion. I'm dad and mom?
- David Brin

Time Avenger's mistaken! It wasn't me...
- David Brin

Democracy postponed. Whence franchise? Ask Diebold...
- David Brin

Cyborg seeks egg donor, object ___.
- David Brin

Deadline postponed. Five words enough...?
- David Brin

Metrosexuals notwithstanding, quiche still lacks something.
- David Brin

Brevity's virtue? Wired saves adspace. Subscribe!
- David Brin

Death postponed. Metastasized cells got organized.
- David Brin

Microsoft gave us Word. Fiat lux?
- David Brin

Mind of its own. Damn lawnmower.
- David Brin

Singularity postponed. Datum missing. Query Godoogle?
- David Brin

Please, this is everything, I swear.
- Orson Scott Card

I saw, darling, but do lie.
- Orson Scott Card

Osama's time machine: President Gore concerned.
- Charles Stross

Sum of all fears: AND patented.
- Charles Stross

Ships fire; princess weeps, between stars.
- Charles Stross

Mozilla devastates Redmond, Google's nuke implicated.
- Charles Stross

Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
- Ken MacLeod

Cryonics: Disney thawed. Mickey gnawed. Omigawd.
- Eileen Gunn

WIRED stimulates the planet: Utopia blossoms!
- Paul Di Filippo

Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation.
- Paul Di Filippo

MUD avatars rebel: virtual Independence Day.
- Paul Di Filippo

We crossed the border; they killed us.
- Howard Waldrop

H-bombs dropped; we all died.
- Howard Waldrop

Your house is mine: soft revolution.
- Howard Waldrop

Warskiing; log; prop in face.
- Howard Waldrop

The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit.
- Howard Waldrop

Salinger story: three koans in fountain.
- Howard Waldrop

Finally, he had no more words.
- Gregory Maguire

There were only six words left.
- Gregory Maguire

In the beginning was the word.
- Gregory Maguire

Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
- Gregory Maguire

Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney's deathbed advice.
- Gregory Maguire

Corpse parts missing. Doctor buys yacht.
- Margaret Atwood

Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved.
- Margaret Atwood

He read his obituary with confusion.
- Steven Meretzky

Time traveler's thought: "What's the password?"
- Steven Meretzky

I win lottery. Sun goes nova.
- Steven Meretzky

Steve ignores editor's word limit and
- Steven Meretzky

Leia: "Baby's yours." Luke: "Bad news…"
- Steven Meretzky

Parallel universe. Bush, destitute, joins army.
- Steven Meretzky

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
- Steven Meretz

I am undone by love, Obama.
-Hilary

The last time I fled an unstable living situation was in France.

I had landed in Grenoble, an industrial blight cradled by the jagged-tooth mountain peaks of the Alps. Like this time, I landed there by passive chance, letting the winds of coincidence carry me from New York City on the cheapest flight to Europe, Zurich. In pre-internet times, it was the precursor to web specials and was essentially hitching a ride on a transcontinental flight. The agent who sold me the ticket, a bright-eyed recent college grad not much older than myself, happened to be on the bus to Newark. I told him my plan, “none”, and he suggested I try out Grenoble. Upon landing, I caught a train to Geneva, where I caught another to Grenoble. It seemed nice enough, so instead of deciding to stay there, I just didn’t decide to leave.

I, a twenty-something year old American raised by a fifty-something year old single mom and studying in France, ended up renting a room from a fifty-something year old French single mom to a twenty-something year old French boy who was studying in the States. I never fought with my own mother like I fought with my inadvertently adopted French mother, and I ended up spending as much time away from home as possible, returning only late at night and watching porn on late night French TV.

Like college kids around the world, I magnetized to a couple other people not because we were friends or liked each other, but because we were there and new. Our only commonality was that we were from somewhere else and currently living in a strange, foreign land. Thus, my “friends” included Rachel, a self-centered mixed Brit/French Opera diva from the tiny isle of St. Pierre et Miquelon. She was self-obsessed and grating and a real pain to be around, which I was a couple times a week.

One night, in our ennui, we discovered a map. I told her about my previous travels: the previous summer I hitchhiking through Europe, the second-to-last leg of my five-month round the world sprint, which was my second major solo journey abroad.
“It’d be easy to hitch to Poland,” I said, looking at the map. “A train across the county is a couple dollar, and about twice that will get you all the way to Moscow…”
Since the Soviet Union had collapsed only a few years before, the country was pretty much in chaos and/or under the thumb of the Mafia. Thus, a train across to Siberia wouldn’t be expensive. Within a week we could be on the Chinese border, which is easier to cross than Mongolia. Fifty-six hours on a hard seat would lead us to Hong Kong. In total, two weeks and fifty dollars would get us on the other side of the globe. The roads from China to Vietnam had yet to settle from their border war ten years before, and Cambodia was still thoroughly fucked, so we’d have to fly from Hong Kong to Bangkok –one hundred dollars on Air Sri Lanka. A couple days on good buses later, we’d be in Singapore, where the real adventure began: looking for my best friend Angy, who at last report was lost somewhere in Indonesia. I didn’t know where he was, just where he wasn’t –not in Jakarta or Java, nor Bali, two islands and 5% of the land where 90% of Indonesia lived. The plan was to wander around the other 12,998 islands looking for a generic Aussie named Mark who went by Angy, after Angus Young, a reflection of his youth spent worshiping AC/DC.

Needless to say, we didn’t go.

Now, I’m about to flee a situation, and as a solution, I look to the map…

The nightmare rommate was very photogenic...

Too bad she doesn't realize the "Drama Queen" tattoo in large Gothic print stretched across the small of her back is not a badge to wear with honor, but a curse for her to overcome...